sitting in your kitchen

i am sitting in your kitchen with your oody dog thnking about you and how go damn confused youve got me.
i am not usually one to let the elphant in the room live very long.
those kind of animals in my books have short lives.

but i am silenced.
frogs in my throat, nerves like butterflies
in my head the dramatic corny lines whisper and i yell back at them

I AM FAR TOO INVESTED IN THIS
I AM FAR TOO INVESTED IN THIS

i am sitting on your shoulder
just along for the ride
observing your many lives
as you pass by mine

we agree, we rarely disagree
sometimes i dont know what you mean
but i am still mesmerized
you make me take back the things ive sworn by
things i sometimes believe

the things at the core of me

i am sitting in your kitchen
silently brewing
silently hoping
the thing we did you might regret for all i know
silntly wishing
it might happen again

Forms of Life

Part Une

((( Pretext Note: the advertising for Pray Eat Love inspired me. ok not so much the advertising as the title, but the advertising made me aware of it's existence. The title lead me to wonder if I wrote a something-like-a-mantra for how I live my life what would it include? I then changed my cell phone greeting to : Risk (Smile) Try (opps I ruined the mystery of which one I am! oh well I'll live) I then began to mentally investigate if I could explore another persons headspace through these kind of life sytle mantras and gain valuble insight on their psychology and life choices, not to mention their behavior...... -_- It became a examination of a number of people who have been dear to me, or are dear and... one or two who arent.... I hope you enjoy it)))

Risk (Smile) Try

Success is measured by joy gained. She tries but does not embody, She wonders if that's the point.

Knowledge (Opinion) Humane

he has found a home at an early age, bound by truth he valiantly stands tall.

Amusement (limits) Self

He chooses what he believes to be true and chooses to believe that's free will.

Ignoring His limits, he breals through his Strengths.

Freedom (Smile) Imagine

She lives her world the way it fascinates her.

Without the larger picture it takes her breth away.

Logic (Explore) Grow

In her box she positions the world around her to supply her with beautiful views.

The power suppressed drains oxygen from her surroundings.

Build (Love) See

His eyes are clear but his life has not, he looks through a bright pink pane.

he's the kind of man who never walks away.

Laugh (Trust) Unrestrained

She wears her shirts on the ground and her soul through her lips, limbs and eye looks.

She'll never look back, not even to learn, She'll spend her time smiling instead.

Passive (Depleted) Loyal

He stands for what he was taught, Though it got him nowhere.

He believes in the dust fibres Though they do nothing but Bore him.

Pleasure (Pride) Relentless

She wasn't taught to grow, so she doesn't.

She wasn't taught to love, so she doesn't.

She won't see the use in learning, so she won't.

Dream (Act) Earn

He knows he has what I want.

He doesn't bother to hide, but the words not spoken are earned words of shame and inaction.

Jump (Love) Judge

The mves of accuracy precede him.

As well as the blueprint of thought.

he looks with love but does not think

the part of him I love, The jump is always instinctive.

Try (value) Escape

He'll compete but he will not win

he'll preach but he will sin

he'll value til it hurts

and when he looses he will run.

Laugh (Explore) Defend

the act is the urge to explore not gain.

the laugh is the cover to the regret without lesson.

The defense is every instinct gone awol.

Pride (Logic) Softened

never admit you are wrong! never back down!

My mind is worth more then my heart, cept it kepps me beating.

I will not be defeated in front of anyone... But few.

Follow (Laugh) Love

He believes what he's told because everything else scares him

he hates and loves all in himself and the world that represents that.

he'll continue finding joy even when there is none.

and that's what I wanted to find out.

Part Deux

((( Pretext Note: After writting these things I realized these people have very unique effects on me, or have been unique influences on my life. I preceded to try to encompass these effects in a simple statement... simple but strong and honest. I was very satisfied after this writting session because i felt a new level of honesty with myself as well as a new found insight or perspective into others. We truly do all share a similarity in being human.)))

You make me hot

You make me cry

You make me Wonder

you make me feel like I matter

you make me feel misunderstood

You make me Question my outlook

you make me Pity you

you make me want to leave the room

you make me watch

You make me feel safe

you make me the rebel

you make me live my dreams

you make me weep

you make me consider forgive and forget

you make me strive and think

A Lil Decision

part one: i went treeplanting and discovered i hate alot of things about the popular, media, culture and lifestyle(s)

part two: i come back to civilization and become emersed in all these things. 5 tvs in one house is too much.

part three: i become depressed and fristrated by the lifestyle return.

part 4: (today) i decided as much as i want the cabin in the woods, no tv screens n junk, thats not where i am RIGHT NOW. so just kick back, stop shitting on the present.

thought of the day

Im supposed to be enjoying myself yes? yes.
my job, i enjoy the ppl iwork with, I have great friends, acquaintances, lots of things going on. I have goals an art exhibition for the month of january, and I will be travelling as soon as I can afford too. I have a good relasionship with family. All that aside, i forgot to have fun. to be amused. to keep a sense of humor. I am 21 and am letting certain individuals bring me down, burden me. Upon realizing this i immediately felt relieved and detached at the same time. There is definately a part of me that is mourning the loss of what these individuals once were, but at the same time, the past tense there is just so present, it cant be ignored. its unfortunate when fun things get derailed, but once theyre not fun anymore theres no sense pulling it back on the rails because its not going anywhere.

just the thought of the day.

John Muir

After watching a biography special on PBS I became very intrigued by John Muir. He was a great man and spoke to the nature lover within myself. If it wasn't for hom alot of the California wilderness that is being preserved, would have been built over, tarmac, sky scapers, etc. He made a difference in the world. He was very spiritual in his approach to wilderness and celebrated the beauty of nature by living in it. His lifestyle inspires me. Perhaps the life I want for myself is not so far off, is not so impossible in this age. I hope to read his published books at some point, though I am usually immersed in almost a dozen reading projects at a time, so who knows when I'll get around to it! He published 16 full books and approx. 18 magazine articles during his lifetime. See the provided website for full titles and sources of articles.

http://www.yosemite.ca.us/john_muir_writings/

vocabulary. Words. Etymolgize.

There are some pretty entertaining, clever, colorful slang terms out there. Some really quirky ones arent uswed nearly enough. take "stellar" for instance. very under used. oh you'd like me to use it in a sentence? "That sure is a stellar sweater grandpa!" Also the short for for radical, "Rad", as used by 1980s surfer of Long Beach California. Ever since I was a young preteen girl drooling over Tom Delonge, Rad just has a special ring to it. For example some commonly used words that could be substituted with "Rad" are "awesome!" , "cool!" and "wicked!" These kind of terms are boring. And will not impress a girl on the first date. casually slip any of these original slang terms into your everyday vocabulary and you'll get tons more "Hanky Panky!"

Monday Wanting, Yesterdays Missing

I miss moving around. I miss the excitement, the rejuvenation and the feeling of leaving your past behind. When i move around I feel as if Im gettting a fresh start all the time, that everything that has gone wrong in the past is wiped from my record. I can pretend to be someone else even.
I want a hammock, so i can sleep anywhere I want. I may be backpacking Europe with a very good "friend" of mine in the new year, perhaps I will take a hammock and just sleep in that.

but I miss the summer I had, I miss treeplanting, I miss not knowing where my life is headed. I told myself I would settle down a bit, keep a job, maybe even work full time, or more. But Im restless. I feel like Im missing out on something. I always feel like the excitement isn't where I am no matter what. Constant wandering eye syndrome, except this is worse. Im not just wandering onto people or friendships or jobs, I am wandering into lifestyles.

I shouldnt call it "worse". I dont feel guilty about it, in fact I feel the opposite. To me it's a lust for life, not wanting to miss anything, any opportunity that may come my way. Im always ready to take chances and throw things away on a wild bet, just in case this new exciting path is the one Im supposed to be on. But there isn't one clear cut path, you can go wherever you please. And that's just it, I want everywhere. every path. So i end up wanting... all over myself.

haha but really, im getting a kick out of it, so so what?